Saturday, March 23, 2013
I am starting a new chapter in my life. This time (in April) if you would have asked me where I would be, I would have told you probably locked in my house, not accepting visitors, barely living, just surviving. I would have never told you that I would be helping other families who are just starting this walk, this walk that none of us want to walk. This walk that he is walking with us on. In an ugly pair of shoes, lost in grief, and in awe of the beauty he has made from the ashes. Yesterday I got the call. The call I told Kelly at that I would be there for. Lets start with the beginning of the day. After a trip to Toledo, for my sweet little nephew, and a peaceful ride home, I went to work. Thankfully it was a short shift. 3-5. A few hours after that were devoted to making his birthday cake! He is a OHIO STATE FAN, and needed a cake that was as close as my unskilled cake decorating hands could make. I got it done and it was a success! I decided a bubble bath and bed was the perfect ending to a hectic day! At somewhere around 11pm, my phone rings. I don't recognize the number, and decide to wait for a voice mail. I listen, as a sweet voice, fills my ears. "Kristi, this isn't how I planned this, but I need you." I hit end and call back because I can hear that she is depserate. And in my heart I know this desperation all too well. "Kelly I am on my way!" Camera in tow, I head to the SGM office to meet Kelly. We rush (mostly she rushed) around the SGM office looking for anything we could find to make the time that this family had with their baby the best it could possibly be. Off we go, to I don't know where, but we are going! Kelly and I are very much the same, although last night, I just sat and listened. I am a nervous talker, and so is Kelly! And she has a little more experience than I do! I felt so calmed by everything she said, which helped because past my "game face" I was a hot mess. Kelly told me about the call she had recieved the night before. And, the experience with the family. I kept looking at her GPS and the estimated time of arrival. 4 minutes. I am taken back to playing sports and that feeling right before a game, when your stomach is flip flopping. I am thankful that I hadn't eaten because I am sure Kelly would be grossed out about my pregame ritual! We arrived at the hospital and head to the fourth floor. (Why is the maternity floor always on the fourth one?) We talk a little to the nurses, who thought we were from NILMDTS, but are very open hearted. GAME FACE when Kelly tells the nurses that we have both experienced loss. Game face when a few close friends come out wiping tears from their faces, and we talk to them. Game face when we meet the mother, father, baby, and family. I am ok! I can do this! I can pass the gift, that was given to me 2 years ago, to them. I grab my camera and begin the transformation from regular old me, to photographer me. Looking through the camera I don't see the greif or sadness. It is my safe zone. I frame the picture, focus, and snap. I am doing it. I snap picture while they say hello! I snap pictures of a sleepy big sister meets her little brother for the first time. I snap pictures of a mother looking at her beautiful prefect baby boy. The room was so filled with love and joy that I almost forgot why I was there. I didn't know what to expect when Kelly called. I really was hoping that she wouldn't have to call. That would mean that no babies were born into Jesus' arms. But, that wasn't the case. I am so glad I could help, I am so glad that he gave me the strength, and I am so glad that Kelly was there. The ride home was full of exhausted laughter, and a more light hearted conversation about being a mother to boys. Seems in a few years I will have my hands full! I will continue to pray for the family I got to meet last night, and for the strength to do this again when I am needed!