Saturday, June 26, 2010


About a week after we lost Jordan I needed to get out of the house. My mom kept Lane until Wednesday, and by Friday we were going stir crazy. I knew I couldn't face the crowds at a store, and it was still to chilly to go to the park. And since our garage had caught on fire and we had to cut power my washer and dryer were not working. I have no idea why our washer and dryer are on the breaker with the garage, but laundry was starting to pile up. So, I called my mom and off we went. We decided to go out to the camp ground and open my camper to see if the mice from winter decided my camper would be a good home. We were so lucky that they didn't come in, because there were quite a few in my mom's camper. All day, all I could think about was how much fun it would have been camping with Jordan this summer. Lane was running around playing and I noticed a tiny little orange colored butterfly on a rock drying his wings. I was pretty bummed out, but when I seen the little guy it made me smile! God has a special way of making us smile!

A week or so later we went to the camp ground again to let Lane run, and ride his 4-wheeler. And about the time I started to get sad, there was that little orange butterfly, and this time he had a friend! It was so crazy cause they seemed to just fly around us, over and over!

Memorial Day weekend we were camping with our friends and they have a new grandson. After spending most of the day putting Lane's new swing set together, in the intense heat. I went to get a drink, not thinking any thing about the other truck sitting in the driveway. Well there on our friends deck sat a car seat, with a baby in it. I was in shock. I couldn't move or talk... all I could do was stand there like a crazy lady looking at this baby. When I could control my body again, I went back to the swing set and sat down in a chair, trying my hardest to hold back the waterfall of tears that were welling up in my eyes. When I got my eyes to focus and my tears to hold off, I looked at my feet to see that little orange butterfly sitting about a foot and a half away!

By now, I just thanked God that I could smile when I felt so bad! But, I thought it was just a little butterfly that likes our campers. Then, on Tuesday, I put Lane's little swimming pool up outside and Lane and his daddy were playing in the pool and sprinkler. They were chasing each other with handfuls of water and low and behold when I started thinking about sitting on the swing with a new baby, and watching his daddy and big brother play, a orange butterfly was flying right behind them! Just like the butterfly was chasing them! I have seen maybe 4 butterflies here since we moved here in 2007. And as far as I can remember none of them were orange!

Every time it makes me smile! Whether its God saying smile at my beauty, or its Jordan saying I am OK mommy, I don't know, but it does make me smile and it feels GOOD!!!